Although this Thanksgiving there were things to be thankful for I found myself holding back tears while eating my turkey.
After getting to Fred's sisters and saying hello to everyone, and trading birthday gifts with his mother and sisters (we all have birthdays within a one month span) I was starting to feel a bit more at ease. I had a horrible night before Thanksgiving and was in a very dark place...
Then, Fred's niece comes bouncing in ecstatic - she and her husband are pregnant with their second child! She is six weeks along and due...exactly when I would have been...awesome. Now, of course she doesn't know what I am going through and couldn't possibly have imagined her good news would send a dagger right through my heart. If she had known, I am positive she would have been a bit more discrete. And I am happy for her. I care about and love her and her family and want her happy. It is just that the timing (at least for us) couldn't have been worse.
I fought back tears and offered my congratulations- I don't want to diminish her happiness with my pain. That is selfish and I refuse to be selfish. She has a right to be happy, just as I have a right to be sad.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Received a call from my doctors office today. I am STILL testing positive- my beta (hCG) is at 85. For Christ Sake this is not over!!! Its been ten days!
I asked about the bleeding and cramping and the nurse said it can go on for another week or two- great.
She stated my hematocrit and hemoglobin was perfect- so they are not concerned that I am losing too much blood. So, physically I just have to wait it out, my body is doing "its job."
Mentally and emotionally I just want this over with. I have pretty much had it with the bleeding. I want these forsaken hormones OUT of my body- if they are not there to support a baby, then get the $#@* out! I want to stop feeling like a basket-case. And, probably most importantly, I want to stop having a reminder of this horrible loss every time I step foot into the bathroom.
Lincoln
November 21st 2010
I think the worst has passed. This weekend has not been easy. I had a great amount of pain on Friday and Saturday, and today so far, I've just felt very run down and tired. At least now I can take Motrin for the pain- and it is helping.
I've been trying to keep myself busy doing all of the things I would normally have done this weekend. I'm finding the distraction helps somewhat...
I'm crying less, although I'm still very sad- and I think that is to be expected.
When I'm at work or with friends I am putting on a strong front and when I'm alone with my thoughts, I grieve. I still grieve for my father and the things he will never be with me to experience and now I also grieve for that tiny little light of life that was inside of me only a week ago. I grieve for what that child would have been- for who they would have been.
I know things happen for a reason. I know life challenges you so you can come out stronger and happier on the other side.
But knowing this does not ease the hurt. Only time can.
I've been trying to keep myself busy doing all of the things I would normally have done this weekend. I'm finding the distraction helps somewhat...
I'm crying less, although I'm still very sad- and I think that is to be expected.
When I'm at work or with friends I am putting on a strong front and when I'm alone with my thoughts, I grieve. I still grieve for my father and the things he will never be with me to experience and now I also grieve for that tiny little light of life that was inside of me only a week ago. I grieve for what that child would have been- for who they would have been.
I know things happen for a reason. I know life challenges you so you can come out stronger and happier on the other side.
But knowing this does not ease the hurt. Only time can.
November 19th 2010
9am- my doctors office calls, my beta is at 119...I am losing the baby.
Even though I know it is not even technically a baby yet...
Even though I knew this was the most likely outcome. Even though I have only known I was pregnant for four days. Even though I know what is happening...I still want that baby.
I never knew how much I wanted him/her, until I was losing them...
3:30pm - I begin to cramp again badly...
My pregnancy ended before it has had a chance to really begin.
Even though I know it is not even technically a baby yet...
Even though I knew this was the most likely outcome. Even though I have only known I was pregnant for four days. Even though I know what is happening...I still want that baby.
I never knew how much I wanted him/her, until I was losing them...
3:30pm - I begin to cramp again badly...
My pregnancy ended before it has had a chance to really begin.
November 17th 2010
"Well, the test came back positive" the nurse said on the phone- clearly stunned.
"I thought it might," I said.
I explained what had happened the night before and the nurse stated I needed to repeat the test two days later to see if the count (hCG) is going up (a potentially viable pregnancy) or going down (signing a pregnancy that is ending itself).
My count was 342- indicating I would be about 4 weeks pregnant...I did get pregnant when I thought I did! The temperature was right!
So, I needed to go to the hospital tomorrow and I would get the result Friday morning. Talk about the longest 48 hours of waiting in our lives.
After getting of the phone with the nurse I started having some mild cramping and I had not stopped bleeding (although it had lessened) since the day before.
I don't know what to think. Most of me knows this pregnancy is not viable- but part of me wants to hold out hope that it is.
"I thought it might," I said.
I explained what had happened the night before and the nurse stated I needed to repeat the test two days later to see if the count (hCG) is going up (a potentially viable pregnancy) or going down (signing a pregnancy that is ending itself).
My count was 342- indicating I would be about 4 weeks pregnant...I did get pregnant when I thought I did! The temperature was right!
So, I needed to go to the hospital tomorrow and I would get the result Friday morning. Talk about the longest 48 hours of waiting in our lives.
After getting of the phone with the nurse I started having some mild cramping and I had not stopped bleeding (although it had lessened) since the day before.
I don't know what to think. Most of me knows this pregnancy is not viable- but part of me wants to hold out hope that it is.
November 16th 2010
Upon calling the doctor the nurse seemed very confused by my story.
"It just doesn't make any sense to have that much bleeding and still be pregnant" the nurse said. "I know," I stated, "but that's what happened."
A negative test, a period, and then a positive test right after my period ended. That's what happened. I could tell she didn't believe me.
She told me to go to the hospital after work and get a beta (blood test for pregnancy) to confirm that I'm "even pregnant." I wanted to scream, "listen lady I know how to pee on the stick!"
I went about my work nervous, and starting to get excited, about what was potentially happening. I went into a meeting about noon and around 1:30pm starting having horrible cramps.
Oh, no.
I went to the bathroom- blood.
I left work, called Fred, and rushed to the hospital. I called my doctors office on the way there and they told me to get the blood test and then go home and rest. "We don't even know you're pregnant," the nurse said, "it is unlikely that you are."
I did what the nurse said and went home to 6 hours of terrible cramping. I was doubled over, huffing and puffing- the pain was horrible.
This just isn't right. I'm losing this baby and I haven't even had a chance to be happy that I'm pregnant...
"It just doesn't make any sense to have that much bleeding and still be pregnant" the nurse said. "I know," I stated, "but that's what happened."
A negative test, a period, and then a positive test right after my period ended. That's what happened. I could tell she didn't believe me.
She told me to go to the hospital after work and get a beta (blood test for pregnancy) to confirm that I'm "even pregnant." I wanted to scream, "listen lady I know how to pee on the stick!"
I went about my work nervous, and starting to get excited, about what was potentially happening. I went into a meeting about noon and around 1:30pm starting having horrible cramps.
Oh, no.
I went to the bathroom- blood.
I left work, called Fred, and rushed to the hospital. I called my doctors office on the way there and they told me to get the blood test and then go home and rest. "We don't even know you're pregnant," the nurse said, "it is unlikely that you are."
I did what the nurse said and went home to 6 hours of terrible cramping. I was doubled over, huffing and puffing- the pain was horrible.
This just isn't right. I'm losing this baby and I haven't even had a chance to be happy that I'm pregnant...
November 15th 2010
Today is my 28th birthday and what a strange, strange day it has been.
Why can't anything with me every just be NORMAL!!!!
Now, I've been finding it very strange that my temperature has never gone back down since last month when I was ovulating (about 4 weeks ago) but two days ago I just finished a rather long, and somewhat typical, period. I had been 6 days late but I tested negative on day 32...beginning a cycle on day 34 (I am usually at 28). And as you'll remember from this post, I was having a lot of pregnancy symptoms. However, starting my period made me think they were all in my head.....
I thought, surely we were on our way to trying for the third month...
That's what I thought...
However, even after my period ended I was still experiencing very tender "areas", mild cramping and severe mood swings (everyone is pissing me off!). I felt like I was PMSing...but its not the right time for that.
However, even after my period ended I was still experiencing very tender "areas", mild cramping and severe mood swings (everyone is pissing me off!). I felt like I was PMSing...but its not the right time for that.
Fred kept joking that I was pregnant. Yeah, right! How could I be after bleeding (I said if your squeamish folks, get outta here!) for eight days?
I happened to be at my Mom's house with Fred and after telling her my symptoms she said she had an old (expired) test from her menopause days.
"Sure, I'll take it," I said, "What the hell, I know it will be negative and I can shut Fred up finally."
...that's what I thought...
...that's what I thought...
Am I still pregnant after eight days of bleeding? Did I have a miscarriage? An incomplete miscarriage? An ectopic pregnancy? What is going on?
Why can't anything with me every just be NORMAL!!!!
October 30th 2010
Well, no dice this month either. I kinda thought so, but was hoping I was wrong.
Odd thing is, my BBT rose after ovulation and stayed high. Very high in fact for the rest of my cycle. Um, doesn't that usually mean you're pregnant? Well, maybe not always? Hmmmm....
I find it incredibly ironic that most pregnancy "signs" are also often signs of impending menstruation. I wonder why they even tell anyone they can know if they're pregnant by some of these signs, especially among women who experience many of them each and every month.
One odd little thing though, I have been smelling EVERYTHING!!! and I do mean everything. Now, I know I have a pretty acute sniffer in the first pace but this past week it has been off the charts! But, apparently- that means nothing too?
I know its only been two months, which is nothing. But I can already tell how annoying it may be for couples who have trouble conceiving. It must be hard to hear how "easy" it is for so many other couples. Something about that ease, or the way those couples talk about it almost implies you're doing something wrong...
Well, I tell you what. I know we're doing it correctly unless I know nothing about anatomy lol!
Oh, and the "stop being so focused on it and it will happen." advice... yeah, ok -whatever!
My stomach, hips and butt are already black and blue from injection sites. I can hardly sleep on my side, back or stomach because of the bruises. So, inpatient? yeah, you would be too.
Oh well, maybe next month...
Odd thing is, my BBT rose after ovulation and stayed high. Very high in fact for the rest of my cycle. Um, doesn't that usually mean you're pregnant? Well, maybe not always? Hmmmm....
I find it incredibly ironic that most pregnancy "signs" are also often signs of impending menstruation. I wonder why they even tell anyone they can know if they're pregnant by some of these signs, especially among women who experience many of them each and every month.
One odd little thing though, I have been smelling EVERYTHING!!! and I do mean everything. Now, I know I have a pretty acute sniffer in the first pace but this past week it has been off the charts! But, apparently- that means nothing too?
I know its only been two months, which is nothing. But I can already tell how annoying it may be for couples who have trouble conceiving. It must be hard to hear how "easy" it is for so many other couples. Something about that ease, or the way those couples talk about it almost implies you're doing something wrong...
Well, I tell you what. I know we're doing it correctly unless I know nothing about anatomy lol!
Oh, and the "stop being so focused on it and it will happen." advice... yeah, ok -whatever!
My stomach, hips and butt are already black and blue from injection sites. I can hardly sleep on my side, back or stomach because of the bruises. So, inpatient? yeah, you would be too.
Oh well, maybe next month...
October 23rd 2010
HOLY HORMONES!!!
Now, I don't know what the hell is going on with my body but last Tuesday, after having dinner with my friend and telling her of our plans, I had the most painful, horrible ovulation cramps in my life!
Seriously, I thought I was starting my period. But, I knew I wasn't based on my lovely little basal body temperature chart. I knew what this pain really meant was that I was ovulating and it was time to get busy (I know, TMI, right? Well guess what? That's how it works folks and if you are squeamish in the least bit, this is not the blog for you my dear...)
Wow, am I over my head here? My body is rarely kind to me and I have a feeling (although I hope I am wrong) that pregnancy will be no exception.
Since the bout of cramping everyday I have been having a bit more mild cramping- nothing too major, just enough to notice. I've also been super hungry and really tired.
I certainly feel differently than I did last month (or in the past) but my body is so odd and temperamental, I honestly don't think I'll believe I'm pregnant until I see those two little lines. Maybe this is the first step, the first realistic and honest step into parenthood. I mean shouldn't all parents to be- panic!
Now, I don't know what the hell is going on with my body but last Tuesday, after having dinner with my friend and telling her of our plans, I had the most painful, horrible ovulation cramps in my life!
Seriously, I thought I was starting my period. But, I knew I wasn't based on my lovely little basal body temperature chart. I knew what this pain really meant was that I was ovulating and it was time to get busy (I know, TMI, right? Well guess what? That's how it works folks and if you are squeamish in the least bit, this is not the blog for you my dear...)
Wow, am I over my head here? My body is rarely kind to me and I have a feeling (although I hope I am wrong) that pregnancy will be no exception.
Since the bout of cramping everyday I have been having a bit more mild cramping- nothing too major, just enough to notice. I've also been super hungry and really tired.
I certainly feel differently than I did last month (or in the past) but my body is so odd and temperamental, I honestly don't think I'll believe I'm pregnant until I see those two little lines. Maybe this is the first step, the first realistic and honest step into parenthood. I mean shouldn't all parents to be- panic!
October 13th 2010
"Hmmm, interesting" I hear the high risk OB say as he opened the door to my exam room.
"You must be talking about me," I laughed as I reached out to shake the doctors hand.
Fred and I went for our pre-pregnancy consult today with Dr. Mason. Dr. Mason is a highly recommended OB who specialized in high risk and complicated pregnancies.
"Well to tell you the truth, this whole thing will be dicey," he said, "but I see a lot of women with these disorders deliver and have healthy post-natal outcomes."
Fist things first- we analyzed the medications I am currently on and he suggested some minor changes. And he sent me for some lab work and told me the second I am pregnant he needs to know to send me for testing and basically I am going to be in for a lot of pokes when I'm pregnant (yeah? and?...like I'm not used to being a human pin-cushion...)
"The second that urine test turns blue, I want a call from you!" he says.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that pregnancy tests don't turn "blue" any more, they have two lines or a plus sign and they probably haven't turned "blue" since the eighties lol!
He layed it out for me- I'll be in for at least monthly blood draws for my Protein S levels.
"Protein S drops when a women is pregnant," he explained, "and since you are already starting off deficient, we would want to monitor that level closely and keep you at least in the 50's.
(80-90 is normal, my last test showed I was at 15).
After all the pokes and Lovenox injections he informed me that at 36-37 weeks gestation I will need to undergo an Amniocentesis to confirm lung development in the baby (the lungs are one of the last organs to fully form in a fetus). If full lung maternity is confirmed then they will schedule my induction or c-section.
Either way, I would need to be admitted to the hospital 24 hours in advance to begin weaning off the Lovenox. They will put me on Heparin and "flush" the Lovenox out of my system. After the 24 hours has passed they will start the pitocin with the heparin until I am dilated to 4cm, at which point he stated I WILL get an epidural (he pretty much indicated there is no way I would be going through a 24-48 hour ordeal without it) and the heparin would be stopped, they will test my clotting levels to be sure I am safe- and up the pitocin- before my body has a chance to know what hit it, or to clot (hopefully) we'll be having a baby!
That would be the BEST case scenario.
"There will be a lot of changes, dice throwing and tap-dancing," the doctor said, "but it will be interesting to say the least."
He's freaking smiling right now- I thought to myself. Yeah, I guess I would be too if I did not have a uterus.
Well, hell! Everything in my life has been complicated up to this point, why should my child come into this world any other way lol!
With this information I am very happy we did not decide to wait any longer. I think the older I get the more and more scared, and impatient, I would become about the whole deal. More time to think about everything that can go wrong leaves more time to get comfortable with the way things are and never taking that chance. I also know as I get older I will likely become less and less tolerant of the medical "hoops" as well...
I've only been dealing with this clotting disorder for two years and that seems like an eternity, I can't imagine waiting until I am mid- thirties and have been dealing with it for 7 or 8 years and trying to do this. No, its now or NEVER!
"You must be talking about me," I laughed as I reached out to shake the doctors hand.
Fred and I went for our pre-pregnancy consult today with Dr. Mason. Dr. Mason is a highly recommended OB who specialized in high risk and complicated pregnancies.
"Well to tell you the truth, this whole thing will be dicey," he said, "but I see a lot of women with these disorders deliver and have healthy post-natal outcomes."
Fist things first- we analyzed the medications I am currently on and he suggested some minor changes. And he sent me for some lab work and told me the second I am pregnant he needs to know to send me for testing and basically I am going to be in for a lot of pokes when I'm pregnant (yeah? and?...like I'm not used to being a human pin-cushion...)
"The second that urine test turns blue, I want a call from you!" he says.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that pregnancy tests don't turn "blue" any more, they have two lines or a plus sign and they probably haven't turned "blue" since the eighties lol!
He layed it out for me- I'll be in for at least monthly blood draws for my Protein S levels.
"Protein S drops when a women is pregnant," he explained, "and since you are already starting off deficient, we would want to monitor that level closely and keep you at least in the 50's.
(80-90 is normal, my last test showed I was at 15).
After all the pokes and Lovenox injections he informed me that at 36-37 weeks gestation I will need to undergo an Amniocentesis to confirm lung development in the baby (the lungs are one of the last organs to fully form in a fetus). If full lung maternity is confirmed then they will schedule my induction or c-section.
Either way, I would need to be admitted to the hospital 24 hours in advance to begin weaning off the Lovenox. They will put me on Heparin and "flush" the Lovenox out of my system. After the 24 hours has passed they will start the pitocin with the heparin until I am dilated to 4cm, at which point he stated I WILL get an epidural (he pretty much indicated there is no way I would be going through a 24-48 hour ordeal without it) and the heparin would be stopped, they will test my clotting levels to be sure I am safe- and up the pitocin- before my body has a chance to know what hit it, or to clot (hopefully) we'll be having a baby!
That would be the BEST case scenario.
"There will be a lot of changes, dice throwing and tap-dancing," the doctor said, "but it will be interesting to say the least."
He's freaking smiling right now- I thought to myself. Yeah, I guess I would be too if I did not have a uterus.
Well, hell! Everything in my life has been complicated up to this point, why should my child come into this world any other way lol!
With this information I am very happy we did not decide to wait any longer. I think the older I get the more and more scared, and impatient, I would become about the whole deal. More time to think about everything that can go wrong leaves more time to get comfortable with the way things are and never taking that chance. I also know as I get older I will likely become less and less tolerant of the medical "hoops" as well...
I've only been dealing with this clotting disorder for two years and that seems like an eternity, I can't imagine waiting until I am mid- thirties and have been dealing with it for 7 or 8 years and trying to do this. No, its now or NEVER!
October 12th 2010
Happy Anniversary!!! Yeah three years married and good news for once- Fred's repeated fertility test results are perfectly NORMAL!!!Thank God! Temperature and Lovenox injections are occurring in the morning (and yes, less than romantically planned encounters). All we did NOT need was to find out there were fertility issues on Fred's behalf.
So, needless to say we are relieved. Plus, with today being our anniversary it does set the stage for romance or at the very least a little bit of blissful relief. As each day passes I see people with babies and I think they are cute and all but I do not have this huge yearning or clock-ticking yet.
I don' know about other women who are trying but I'm not this misty-eyed, longing, weeping woman. Sure, I was disappointed last month as I'm sure if 3, 6, 12 months pass with no pregnancy I will become more and more that way, and frustrated to top it off.
But for now, with all that we've been dealing with, and especially with my Father's passing, all I want to do is be calm and cherish this time alone with my husband (as I know that becomes scarce once a little person is in the picture). And all I can do is try to take comfort in the fact that when the time is right it will happen.
Tomorrow is our pre-pregnancy consult with the high risk OB-GYN. I hope I like him.
October 9th 2010
Wow, what the hell happened? Three days after my last entry my father passed away. The world as I knew it changed and I stopped caring about having a baby...I stopped caring about anything.
I just wanted my father back.
As the days after his death passed, and I began to plan for his funeral, I was in such a state of grief my body was surely affected. I wasn't eating- defiantly not the proper way to begin a pregnancy or to care for yourself when trying to conceive. But, honestly, I didn't think I was pregnant anyway.
I remember telling Fred, "If I am pregnant, I am worried all of this stress will cause me to miscarry." Fred said, "I'm worried about that too."
The visitation and funeral proceeded . Fred and I decided that since September 30th would have been my 28th day, and was also his birthday, we would take a pregnancy test that day if I had not started.
"It would be a nice birthday present," Fred said as he kissed my forehead.
The 30th arrived and Fred and I solidified a bet. Fred swore I was preggers, I knew I wasn't.
I won. I was $5 richer and a little more depressed.
It would have been nice to get the news in a way it would be as if this child was my Dad's way of saying he will live on with us.
My Dad didn't know we were trying- other four people do (us and my mother and step-father). With all my health problems we thought it best to keep it to ourselves. Part of me really wants to share it with everyone, but my medical conditions and the fact that we don't know how fertile or infertile we are, and when it comes right down to it, it is a very personal and private matter.
Four days later Fred hears back from his doctor that a fertility test he had taken when we were first married was actually not normal (no news is good news? yeah, not always). I had a feeling something might be up. I don't know how or why but I told him to call his doctor and double check on that test. Well low and behold everything was not normal and he needs to repeat the test to rule out an error at the lab.
Great.
I miss you Dad. I wish you were here to talk to about all of this. I just wish you were here.
I just wanted my father back.
As the days after his death passed, and I began to plan for his funeral, I was in such a state of grief my body was surely affected. I wasn't eating- defiantly not the proper way to begin a pregnancy or to care for yourself when trying to conceive. But, honestly, I didn't think I was pregnant anyway.
I remember telling Fred, "If I am pregnant, I am worried all of this stress will cause me to miscarry." Fred said, "I'm worried about that too."
The visitation and funeral proceeded . Fred and I decided that since September 30th would have been my 28th day, and was also his birthday, we would take a pregnancy test that day if I had not started.
"It would be a nice birthday present," Fred said as he kissed my forehead.
The 30th arrived and Fred and I solidified a bet. Fred swore I was preggers, I knew I wasn't.
I won. I was $5 richer and a little more depressed.
It would have been nice to get the news in a way it would be as if this child was my Dad's way of saying he will live on with us.
My Dad didn't know we were trying- other four people do (us and my mother and step-father). With all my health problems we thought it best to keep it to ourselves. Part of me really wants to share it with everyone, but my medical conditions and the fact that we don't know how fertile or infertile we are, and when it comes right down to it, it is a very personal and private matter.
Four days later Fred hears back from his doctor that a fertility test he had taken when we were first married was actually not normal (no news is good news? yeah, not always). I had a feeling something might be up. I don't know how or why but I told him to call his doctor and double check on that test. Well low and behold everything was not normal and he needs to repeat the test to rule out an error at the lab.
Great.
I miss you Dad. I wish you were here to talk to about all of this. I just wish you were here.
September 18th 2010
We've been trying for a little less than a week now.
Part of me really wishes we could take our time and just "stop preventing" and just let it happen. But, as we know, with my clotting disorder, that is just not how it will be.
Yesterday my giant box of Lovenox arrived- and I mean GIANT!!! 170 syringes that I will be injecting over and over until conception occurs, the pregnancy is complete, our baby has arrived and breast-feeding (should I chose to do so) is over. And yes, that means we are in for a VERY long and potentially painful and frustrating haul.
We knew this is what it would take but the actual physical realization that I will be injecting myself twice daily for an undetermined amount of time is a bit nerve wracking.
Part of me really wishes we could take our time and just "stop preventing" and just let it happen. But, as we know, with my clotting disorder, that is just not how it will be.
Yesterday my giant box of Lovenox arrived- and I mean GIANT!!! 170 syringes that I will be injecting over and over until conception occurs, the pregnancy is complete, our baby has arrived and breast-feeding (should I chose to do so) is over. And yes, that means we are in for a VERY long and potentially painful and frustrating haul.
We knew this is what it would take but the actual physical realization that I will be injecting myself twice daily for an undetermined amount of time is a bit nerve wracking.
September 15th 2010
Fred and I are doing it! We've decided to start a family. The decision came so quickly it was a shock to us both.
Originally, we thought we would wait until Summer 2011 to begin- but after talking about it we thought, why? Money? What's to say next year will be any better or worse? Anything can happen! And no matter what, money is never enough, you never have everything or all that you want- we have a good home and two secure jobs and those are the most important things.
Next, we thought about my health. I am so lucky to have a job that covers my Lovenox so that a pregnancy is even possible. And my delivery will be covered with the best doctors we can find.
Most importantly we have a solid, loving, supportive marriage. We live each day so in love and grateful to have each other. We want nothing more than to be together in a loving marriage and family, and THAT is what really matters.
So, here we are.
I'm nervous, excited, scared, worried, happy and peaceful all at the same time!
I started my Lovenox injections and have decreased my caffeine intake. Here goes nothing!
We're jumping in with both feet!
Originally, we thought we would wait until Summer 2011 to begin- but after talking about it we thought, why? Money? What's to say next year will be any better or worse? Anything can happen! And no matter what, money is never enough, you never have everything or all that you want- we have a good home and two secure jobs and those are the most important things.
Next, we thought about my health. I am so lucky to have a job that covers my Lovenox so that a pregnancy is even possible. And my delivery will be covered with the best doctors we can find.
Most importantly we have a solid, loving, supportive marriage. We live each day so in love and grateful to have each other. We want nothing more than to be together in a loving marriage and family, and THAT is what really matters.
So, here we are.
I'm nervous, excited, scared, worried, happy and peaceful all at the same time!
I started my Lovenox injections and have decreased my caffeine intake. Here goes nothing!
We're jumping in with both feet!
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