January 29, 2011

Week 14

The first week of my second trimester has been pretty awesome. Aside from some minor stomach issues I've been feeling really, really good! Some of the pregnancy "wait until this happens" or "your (insert random body part here) will never be the same so enjoy it" or "well I was never sick when I was pregnant- that's weird" comments have been wearing me a little thin lately. I'm trying to take them in stride and realize most people are just trying to relate- not trying to be annoying...but it can be hard sometimes. From what I can see my pregnancy has parts that are similar to some other women and parts that are different. I have yet to hear another have an identical experience to mine so far -- so my common response has been, "well we'll see- everyone is different!" And I'm trying to take note not to do this to someone else when I hear they're pregnant and I'm on the other side of it. If they want to know what pregnancy was like for me, they'll ask! So far it has been both worse and better than I expected...depending on what part you're referring to.

But I can honestly say I am not one of those women (yes, even already) who loves being pregnant or finds it to be a breeze. I don't feel as good as I did when I wasn't pregnant and I think I'll be happy when this pregnancy is over. That doesn't make me a bad mother or ungrateful to be pregnant. I am thrilled this pregnancy is going so well!!!! But after all, I am in this for the final product (having that baby) and I am willing to do what I have to do to get there. I think its amazing and a miracle and a time I will remember forever. But to say the process is all fun and enjoyable simply hasn't been the case for me. For women who feel great and love being pregnant all I can say is that is really nice for them and they're lucky. But for many women it just isn't like that.

Pregnancy symptoms:

Doing well this week. Stomach is still feeling better- the extreme hunger is becoming more manageable. I'm finding I need to start taking some enzymes when I eat but all and all things are going really well!

How far along: 14 weeks 6 days
How big is baby? The size of an apple
Weight gain/loss? - 1lb
Stretch marks: My belly is looking rounder and feeling harder but no official baby bump yet.
Maternity clothes: Not yet. I'm guessing this will be needed around week 18-20...we'll see...
Sleep: Good!
Food cravings/aversions: My appetite has picked up but I'm not having any extreme cravings or aversions. Oddly I'm not craving ice cream, or any dairy like I usually do...but I think that's probably for the best.
Gender: There is a possibility we'll know the sex of the baby soon but I don't want to get my hopes up in case the baby is "shy." Most people still think boy. I think a boy would be wonderful, but part of me wants the baby to be a girl just to prove them all wrong! : )
Belly button? Still there
What are you looking forward to this week: I'm looking forward to finding out it our baby is a girl or boy and hoping my recent lab work comes back good!

January 20, 2011

Week 13

I am in complete and total amazement that I am even blogging about week 13- the last week of my first trimester!!! It has flown by, and even though I was pretty sick for about 4 weeks, I can't believe I'm already almost 1 trimester done cooking this babe!! This little one is going to be here before we know it!

My mother and I attended my first trimester screen last Monday and everything went really well- we even got few ultrasound pictures with Baby L looking more and more baby-like!!! It was so exciting! The baby had the hiccups and was trying to scratch his or her nose. I was so in love just looking at the screen and watching out baby move,
my heart could have burst!

And, as a super-duper bonus, my nausea and vomiting has almost completely stopped. I've only thrown up once in the past week (after eating a ceasar salad that did not agree with me) and have not been nauseated once! I can tell this second trimester is going to rock!


Pregnancy symptoms:

Doing really well this week; my belly has calmed down; my breasts are less sore and I have more energy!

How far along: 13 weeks 4 days
How big is baby? The size of a lemon
Weight gain/loss? No loss, no gain (I fluctuate up and down in the same 2-3 lb range)
Stretch marks: No- my belly is looking rounder as you can see from week 12 photos but no offical baby bump yet. I mean, I feel like I look different but nobody would guess I'm pregnant if they didn't know. And all my clothes still fit...although some are snugger in the waist...
Maternity clothes: Not yet although I have started to pick up some here and there...
Sleep: Good!
Food cravings/aversions: My appetite has picked up this week like crazy! At about 5-6 weeks I was starving all the time; then that went away; now I feel the same way. I'm eating about 6 small meals a day but could totally pig out way more than I'm allowing myself to!
Gender: EVERYONE, and I do mean EVERYone (well who have voiced their opinions anyway) thinks I'm having a boy. I honestly have absolutely no idea. And everyone keeps saying "what does your mother's intuition tell you?" well, its telling me I have no idea! lol! For the first few months I thought I was having a girl but now more and more I'm thinking boy...but I don't know if that's because I FEEL like I'm having a boy or just because everyone keeps saying that....either way though I don't care!!! I just wanna hold the little nugget!!! We get to find out the sex in roughly 3-4 weeks!
Belly button? Still there
What are you looking forward to this week: Oh, I'm looking forward to clicking over into that blissful second trimester and finding out if my baby is a boy or a girl!

January 13, 2012

Week 12

The first trimester evolution of the belly!!!
(week 0, 4, 9 and 12)

This week is both exciting and sad at the same time. It is week 12, "the tremendous week 12" we all wait for when we're pregnant. The week your risk of miscarriage reduces significantly and you can actually start planning for your baby and being excited about his or her arrival. Of course week 12 is not a panacea- things can still go wrong after this point, but it is perhaps the largest milestone a pregnant women waits for.

So, while I celebrate this week I also mourn as today is the due date of the baby I lost in June. The baby whose heartbeat we saw so clearly at week 6, only to be absent during an ultrasound in week 9. I'm sad but not devastated. I think if I was still trying to get pregnant and was not 12 weeks along with a healthy pregnancy, today would be much worse. But I'm still sad. There was a beautiful little life that never got to be and I'll always wonder- was it a boy? a girl? what color eyes would they have had? I don't think others (who have not miscarried) quite understand. Yes, its sad- blah blah blah. But I don't think they realize what it really feels like, and perhaps they never will. A due date is a date every mother remembers- always...even if her child is born on a different day. It is a day we cling to with hope and excitement when pregnant- and when things end badly, we still remember that date.

But, now is a time of hope for the hubby and I- and that is what I will concentrate on.

Pregnancy symptoms: Nausea is a lot better. I'm nauseated maybe once a day for a very brief time- so that has been great. I'm still getting sick every day but I've figured out it is due to the multi-vitamin supplement I'm taking. So, I'm going to try a different brand and see if things get better.
How far along: 12 weeks 4 days
How big is baby? The size of a lime
Weight gain/loss? -2 lbs (figures, the one time in my life its ok to gain weight and I'm losing without even trying lol!!1)
Stretch marks: No- my belly was looking rounder last week and this week seems smaller...must be water fluctuations...
Maternity clothes: Not yet and my jeans still fit- so it may be another month or so....
Sleep: Good in general. Had some bad dreams that there was something wrong with the baby a few times...but I think this date may have been at the back of my mind.
Food cravings/aversions: Dairy is still gross and I have to watch my portions
Gender: No idea
Belly button? Still there
What are you looking forward to this week: I have an ultrasound on Monday (13 week mark) I can't wait to see our baby again!!!

January 8, 2011

Week 11

Pregnancy symptoms: Nausea is getting a bit better - but still losing my lunch a couple times a week. I've figured out I can't eat any large meals- I just have to snack all day. If I eat large meals it comes right on back up. Apparently our little monkey wants the belly room all to him or herself!
How far along: 11 weeks 6 days
How big is baby? The size of a small plum
Weight gain/loss? No loss no gain
Stretch marks: No- but my belly is defiantly getting rounder!!!
Maternity clothes: My belly is getting rounder and my face is looking quite chubby these days.
Sleep: Good- I'm not as tired as I have been. Instead of sleeping 12 hours on the weekends I am down to about 9 - so back to more of my typical energy patterns.
Food cravings/aversions: I can't keep Dairy down to save my life-still!
Gender: Most are predicting the baby is a boy.
Belly button? Still there
What are you looking forward to this week: I am just so happy to have hit the 12 week mark. Looking for ward to starting my 2nd trimester in two weeks. I hear the 2nd trimester is the best of the three! And of course I am looking forward to the day when I not longer have to worry about getting sick.

I have another ultrasound in 1 week- can't wait to see what baby has been doing in the last 3 weeks : )

December 31, 2012

Week 10

Ah, what a glorious week this has been...in some ways. First the good. Fred and I attended our second prenatal appointment and got to see our baby. Man, this kid was kicking and punching up a storm on that ultrasound and looked distinctly human-shaped; much different from the little bean on the first ultrasound during week 6. It's amazing what a month can do!!!

The picture above simply does not do it justice- we took a video of this amazing ultrasound:

On the not-so-awesome side, I've been really, really, really sick this week with nausea and vomiting. There were about three days where I couldn't keep anything down. Certainly no fun.

Pregnancy symptoms: Nausea and a lot of vomiting. It has been disgusting. My breasts are less tender, so that's a bonus but man! the sickness sucks (and this in no way means I am not grateful to be pregnant or can't get through it- but in reality if any pregnant women tells you she doesn't mind throwing up all day every day, she's lying)
How far along: 10 weeks 4 days
How big is baby? The size of a fig I believe....
Weight gain/loss? -.5 lbs (the nurse at the doctors office was proud of me considering the holidays had just passed...I take half the credit the other half is due to said vomiting)
Stretch marks: No
Maternity clothes: No- although I notice my middle getting "thicker" and my face "filling out a bit" as my mother said :)
Sleep: Good- still getting up twice a night to pee...
Food cravings/aversions: I can't keep Dairy down to save my life!
Gender: Oh, I have a guess but won't voice it here (I can't be proven wrong ya know?!?!)
Belly button? Still there
What are you looking forward to this week: I am looking forward to my second trimester and (hopefully) feeling better and having much more energy!

December 16, 2011

Week 8

I was following the blog today of a women who is having her tenth, yes 10th child. She is 4 months along and already in maternity clothes and has gained 25 lbs. Holy crap! She looked adorable though! She lives on a sprawling ranch in Washington State and designs children's clothes from home.

How different her life is from mine, I thought. I don't think I can even imagine having 10 children- two would be the absolute TOPS for me. Yet, she looked beautiful and happy and content. But, there is one thing we have in common- this pregnancy for me, and all of her's have had their share of nausea! She is toting that she has only puked three times- well honey I got you beat at 5!

This week was a particularly difficult week for me-as I describe in my last post....

Pregnancy symptoms: As I said above, two-three days a week I am a wreak with nausea. I've found peppermint candies help and I munch on them all day at work. I left work Monday and came home and started getting sick....it seems that's happening about twice a week. It could be worse though, I know some women are sick every day of their first trimester. Other than that I am tired and my breasts are killing me- and that about sums it up.

How far along: 8 weeks 4 days

How big is baby? The size of a kidney bean

Weight gain/loss? -1 lb....I seemed to have let go of a lot of the bloat - yes! I'm sure being sick is partial to blame here too....

Stretch marks: hmmm...nope

Maternity clothes: No, although today was the first day I went into a store in the maternity section and looked at some stuff...up until now I haven't even let myself think about those things....

Sleep: Good.

Food cravings/aversions: I'm nauseated. Food makes me feel better....until its digested and then I'm nauseated again.

Gender: No idea- and I know pregnant women say this all the time. I don't care. I want healthy...and smart!!! And that is really all that matters to me! That's all that should matter really....

Movement: No, but I can't wait!

Belly button? Still there

What are you looking forward to this week: I am looking forward to reaching that 14 week mark and knowing I am into the second trimester. Then I will "allow" myself to be overjoyed and to start making plans....until then, I am afraid, I will be cautious and guarded.

This same women, the one with the ten babies, mentioned in her blog that she doesn't understand why people do not tell others about a pregnancy for fear of a miscarriage. A baby is a spirit form the moment of conception, she says, and she said she would hope that others would still like her, love her and support her if she lost the baby.

No disrespect to her or her views, but she has clearly never had a miscarriage- let alone multiple miscarriages. It is not that you don't believe people will be there for you if you lose the baby or that you don't think the baby is a beautiful miracle from the moment you know of its existence. For me it is seeing and hearing the sadness and grief in others' eyes and voices when you tell them. It is saving some from experiencing the horror of that loss and saving them from feeling so deeply for you and wanting to do anything to make it better....when nothing anyone does or says can make it any better.

And it is saving yourself from the constant questions and "advice" when the pregnancy is still fragile and it may be painful to even hope. And most importantly it is saving you from having to tell person after person that you've lost yet another baby...and hearing the "why?" question that is both devastating and infuriating! Because one thing I found out really quick after my last miscarriage...people are really quick to spread the news of your pregnancy to others but are very tight-lipped with the news that you've miscarried. And, in fact, this is perhaps the time when people should speak up, so that you don't have to....because every time you have to say it...your heart is ripped open again. And that is why we are not telling until we're ready. And I feel so strongly that this is the right choice this time. I feel it with everything in me. And that has nothing to do with the amount of love I have for my baby or anyone else in our lives.

December 11, 2001

Week 7

Pregnancy symptoms: I've had more energy this week than last week but some other not so awesome symptoms...even more breast changes (Damn! Pregnancy is defiantly not for the sissies!) and I've been experiencing some pretty regular bouts of round ligament pain, and it sucks let me tell you! Feels like I'm being stabbed with a knife! Awesome. Aside from that not much has changed this week.

How far along: 7 weeks 6 days

How big is baby? The size of a blueberry (for some reason that comparison makes me giggle)

Weight gain/loss? +1 lb....I think its mostly water though- the bloat is in full puffy effect!

Stretch marks: None from pregnancy

Maternity clothes: Nope

Sleep: Its been good actually.

Food cravings/aversions: I'm nauseated when I'm hungry, eating makes me feel better but then if I eat too much I feel totally uncomfortable- its lose lose these days with eating...hoping that goes away...I've been less hungry so I forget to eat and then I don't feel good at all : (

Gender: No idea

Movement: Way too early for that

Belly button? Still there

What are you looking forward to this week: This is the week when I lost our last baby- at 8 weeks 4 days. It was horrible and I think I'm going to be nervous and on edge particularly this week. I am terrified of losing another baby. So I guess what am I looking forward to this week? Making it to next week safely. My 2nd trimester is still 6 weeks away...that seems so far away....I can't wait to get there.