Look how far we've come from here. I can remember the fear, excitement, hope, trepidation and mostly the unknowing I felt while writing that post. Not knowing if this, our third pregnancy, would actually survive and turn into our baby. One thing I can tell you, looking back at this post now, is that deep down I knew that one day we'd be right where we are...days away from welcoming a child into our family. Of course I feared we'd never get here...but I also knew we couldn't give up yet.
I don't know if its fair to say that miscarriage has made us more appreciative of the whole process but it has instilled in us a deep respect for the fragility of life. No stranger to death, after we've both lost our fathers, we never thought the process of starting our family would be quite this difficult...I mean, really, who does?
Most people think, ok- we're going to start trying to get pregnant- and in a few months we will be and it will be happily-ever-after from there. That's what we thought. I mean we knew we had my health issues to contend with but multiple miscarriages? We never even thought that would be a problem.
So, what did we learn from those experiences and what have we done differently this time?
1) We learned that the first trimester should be equal parts celebration and reservation. We learned first hand that blabbing the news to anyone and everyone right from the beginning might be our natural inclination but its not always the best move...at least we learned for us, it wasn't.
2) I learned that a supportive and loving partner makes all the difference- both when trying to get pregnant, while being pregnant and I'm sure during parenthood. If hubs hadn't been willing to "do me at the drop of a dime" or put up with the hormonal mood-swings or help me with some rather gross and extremely non-romantic moments, we wouldn't be here. I never felt like he was grossed out, or that he felt me unattractive, or that he didn't want this as much as me, or that he in anyway wasn't on board. Without all of that, we wouldn't be here- I'm sure of it. I know women with unsupportive partners and I honestly don't know how they do it...or why they want a child with that a-hole in the first place...
3) We learned that if something isn't going right with your body- you really have to be the one to research what you think might be going on. Seriously. I know we all think we can trust the doctors to figure it out but honestly- even with the best high-risk OB in the area (and I don't say this to brag, its documented) I still needed to be on top of it. I had to suggest the hormone supplements that mostly likely sustained my 3rd pregnancy and I had to ask about being testing for vitamin deficiencies. Almost every time I did my own research and presented it to him we found out I was, indeed, right. Don't be afraid to be that pain in the ass patient who asks a million questions. It might save your life or the life of your baby. And for christ sake learn about pregnancy before getting pregnant so you know what the heck to expect and what should be happening and when. Don't trust they won't forget something or drop the ball....plus when they go to do that lovely rectal swab, you might want to know why they are doing it and when to expect it...just saying...
4) Pregnancy is a crap-shoot. You don't know if your pregnancy will be a breeze or complete hell or something in-between. Its all a great. big. surprise!!! If it is a breeze, great- be thankful. If it is hell try not to kill all the women around you who say "I never had THAT when I was pregnant" and if its something in-between, like what I experienced, consider yourself...well...normal. Most women have some issues to deal with but luckily most of the worst symptoms are rather temporary. Is it fun? In my opinion - no. But is it the worst thing in the world to deal with either? nope.
At this point I have equal parts of anxiety and excitement about the showdown we're going to have in the next few days. I hope that everything goes smooth but part of me is also preparing for it not to go so smooth. I don't know. All and all the pregnancy has gone better then expected but knowing my body I also feel like a completely uneventful delivery is simply impossible for me. I hope that's not the case. Either way I know I'm tough and I know I can do it- whatever it will be. I have a high pain tolerance and am no stranger to hospitals or medical procedures and I think that's a plus. But, I'm also a bit of a control freak and am impatient- so I know those are some counts against me when it comes to this.
I am just grateful for the huge support system we have. I can honestly say we have some of the best friends and family any couple could ask for and most are simply elated at the thought of meeting our little one. Their support and strength will get us through this, no matter how hard it is. And our little man? Well, I can't imagine a more anticipated, welcomed little person coming into the world. He is two years in the making and I know he's going to be worth every tear and every heartbreak and every feeling of hopelessness. He is the light at the end of our tunnel.
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