Lincoln

November 13, 2011























0 weeks 3 weeks 6 days

I'm so hesitant to even post photos or stats at this point...and obviously after the miscarriages I didn't even bother to take a "before" photo. As you can see there is not a lot of difference. I'm slightly bloated but not much has changed. I have, however, decided not to cover-up my bruises. This is my reality with the Lovenox shots. They hurt, they bruise and I've been dealing with them for 14 months now...

November 19, 2011

Week 4
Pregnancy symptoms: Breast tenderness- not nearly as painful as before, very mild cramping- also not nearly as painful as before, a touchy stomach, fatigue and breast "changes." I've been getting strange cramps in my feet every night before bed...hope those get lost! Ouch!
How far along: 4 weeks 5 days
How big is baby? The size of a sesame seed (is it sad I know this by heart by now...)
Weight gain/loss? I'm 15 lbs lighter than when I got pregnant last time (I've lost 20 all together since summer) but since the positive test I've stayed the same; no loss and no gain
Stretch marks: None from pregnancy
Maternity clothes: Nope
Sleep: Its been ok, I wake up once or twice a night to use the bathroom but aside from that it's been fine.
Food cravings/aversions: Seafood smells awful! And I did have one night where I couldn't keep much down...aside from that my appetite has been pretty normal. No particular aversions or cravings most of the time.
Gender: No idea...and we don't care either way to be honest - we really do just want a healthy baby that makes it to term!!!
Movement: Way too early for that
Belly button? Still there
What are you looking forward to this week: This is going to sound really sad but its also true. I'm looking forward to making it to the next week without losing our baby. I think this will be my hope each week for the next several months...

My first ultrasound is in two weeks. Fred and my mother can't come, so my friend is joining me. She's never seen an ultrasound before and I want someone close to me there. I am so terrified of something being wrong. It's feels so sad to have a pregnancy filled with denial and fear instead of hope and elation. This is the main reason we are telling practically no-one until the 14 week mark; if we can help it anyway. Part of us wants to act as if it isn't happening until its "safe" to be excited.

Only time will tell.

"To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure. But the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing" -Unknown

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