March 28, 2011

Well true to my intentions I am much less anxious and worried this month. I am also fairly certain I am not pregnant. No steady temperature increase or any other signs of pregnancy. Although as Fred said it best, "I'm not even guessing anymore, last month you had a ton of signs and nada...this month no signs so you probably are!" LOL!

It's ok though. I'm happy and a lot is going right in my life right now so its hard to be upset. We are almost completely out of credit card debt. Work is going wonderfully and I am getting so much positive feedback. I feel good about myself and lately I have felt..as silly as it sounds...pretty for the first time in awhile. Maybe its the coming of spring or the extra sunlight we've been getting. I don't know. Something inside me is just calmer...when I'm ready to be a mother I will be. We know from our miscarriage experience that everything is working right and pregnancy is possible, so in that regard we are relived. And until the day comes where we get another positive test I'm just going to enjoy being well...just us two.

March 21st 2011

I am beginning to realize that I need to let go. I've said this before and last month I thought I had let go...I hadn't. All I can do is continue to chart and we can make sure we hit our optimum timing (which we have been...and yes I KNOW we have been) and whatever happens from there is out of our hands.

I can honestly say I haven't thought that much about being pregnant this month. I don't know if the arrival of Spring has me distracted, or simply has me giddy at the warmer temps, but either way I just feel good. I'm trying to relish in all the things that I have right now (that I may not have when pregnancy and baby come- if they ever do). Free time. Alone time. Romantic time with my hubby. A cosmopolitan. A flat (well relatively flat) stomach. Feet that are NOT swollen...etc.


I'm resolving to go about my life like I always have been (by now the charting and shots are so much a part of my daily routine I hardly notice anymore...) and whatever happens and whenever it happens will be.


And who knows maybe this month will bring some good news. Or maybe it won't. Either way I just want to be happy and not worry about it. Some things in life are not meant to be controlled or planned- some things are just meant to happen when they happen. My body is finally back to its normal cycle after the miscarriage- it took 4 cycles actually, not 2...and hormonally I am back on track. I know that I am ovulating...so I know I have nothing to worry about...I just have to let it be. I'm healthy and that is the most important thing- for me, hubby and any future baby.

I hope I can continue to think and feel this way.

March 5th 2011

I'm not pregnant.

I'm not happy.

I'm so sick of the rollarcoaster.

I have nothing more to say.