8 weeks, 4 days pregnant- Baby "L" leaves us.I knew it was coming. The last three days have been more than a rollarcoaster. Monday, going in for what we thought was a "bad news" ultrasound, Baby L was still kicking- much more developed than the last time we saw him and the heartbeat was beautiful- 176 bpm.
However, the doctor warned me that the bleeding and cramping was not a good sign. I also had first trimester Oligo- a condition where there is not enough amniotic fluid in the gestational sac. This condition can often correct itself or lead to a miscarriage...I just knew in my heart (although I didn't want to) that it would be the latter.
I was ordered on strict bedrest and Tuesday evening starting having contractions and bleeding heavily. I knew it was the end. Today, an ultrasound confirmed what I already knew. The baby was gone- there was no heartbeat.
Where do we go from here? Two miscarriages in less than 7 months...maybe this is a test, or maybe parenthood just isn't meant to be for us...I wish I could scream out to someone and get an answer! Why is this happening again? We did everything right...and everything was going perfect. Why can't anything ever just be easy! I see women all the time with children who smoke, drink and eat crap the entire time they are pregnant. I see women who have all these "accidents" running around and seem to resent more than love them...and they get to be mothers...its just not right and its not fair.
But then again I learned a long time ago that nothing about life is fair.
Maybe there will be hope again one day...or maybe we will decide that this is just not meant to be.
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