March 8, 2012

Am I going to be the mean mommy?

This is the question I've been asking myself lately. And yes, I'm serious.

After several years of watching friends and family members with their own children and thinking about all of the things I "think" we would do similarly, or different, I am left with one small conclusion. Parents these days seem to be both tougher and more lenient with their kids then I remember while growing up.

Case point. I find it fascinating that so many parents have children who are in so many different activities. Soccer, swim, band, softball and boy scouts (like all at the same time!)...and sometimes I'm surprised to find out these activities are actually encouraged by the parents and not necessarily requested by the kids.

Some of this I get. I think teaching your kid how to swim, be in a competitive sport and socialize with other children are good things. But, I also think - do they really need to be doing that much? When do they do their homework? Not to mention how expensive this must all be! It just seems like a lot. When I was younger I was in swim, dance, softball and karate...but none of these at the same time. I got one activity and either moved on or stuck to it...it taught me follow-through and choice.

Another case point. I am shocked at what some children are required to learn in school these days. While I don't think higher educational expectations is a bad thing (quite the opposite in fact), I also think about the pressure some kids are under. Not only do they need to be the softball star, best member of the band and a boy scout they have to also learn algebra by the 6th grade! huh? I don't know- it just seems kids these days have a lot of pressure to be the best at so many things. Sure we want our kids to be competitive and do their best, but when is enough enough? (And don't get me started on the body issues kids have now in like Kindergarten! Kindergartners on a diet. Sickening).

Am I going to be the mean mommy that only let's them do one activity at a time?

AND on the other hand, I see kids get away with so much crap these days my head practically explodes! I've seen kids slap, hit, punch, kick and yell at their parents and have no repercussions. I've seen kids demand toys while at the store, and they get them almost every single time. I've seen kids tell their parents "no" or to "shut up" or say "I hate you" (If I said this to my Dad growing up boy...). And I just don't understand it. I know all kids will go through bratty phases and difficult times, but the general lack of respect for the parents I am seeing is overwhelming to me.

Now, don't get me wrong I have many family and friends where this is certainly NOT the case and they do a very good job with discipline. But I see this more often then not and it is absolutely scary to me. I don't think some of the excessive spanking I received as a child from my father was a good thing and I'm not sure we will spank our children at all...but I tell you one thing, I DID learn respect for adults as a child and would NEVER have been allowed to say some of the things I see kids say to their parents without being REALLY sorry for it about 5 minutes later...

And when did kids stop having to do chores? I mean my parents didn't run me ragged by any means- but I still had chores. And I did them because I lived there, not because I got money for doing them. I had to keep my room clean and help with the dishes at the least. And as I got older I remember having bathroom cleaning duty and other tasks (although my mom admittedly did more for me then she should have growing up- love ya mom!). And I remember getting a job as soon as I could around 15 years old to (gasp!) buy. my. own. damn. car.

It seems kids these days have no chores, but they have cell phones. They tell their parents "I hate you" and then have clean laundry sitting in their rooms when they get back from the mall trip their parents just financed.

Am I going to be the mean mommy because I will go literally postal on my child for behaving this way? Will I be the mean mommy who expects her kids to earn their keep around the house?

Sure, maybe I think I'll be one way and then things will be different when the kid arrives. I'm sure some things I'll stick to and others will be adjusted as I really learn what being a parent is like. And I fully understand you have to parent different for each child. But, seriously here? Am I crazy or have a lot of parents these days lost their cotton-picking minds!?!? Wait, I see Toddlers in Tiaras is on...my case rests!