February 17, 2011

I'm scared that I won't become pregnant this month. And I'm scared that I will. I feel like I'm going through this private struggle every month that goes by- and I feel like I'm doing it all alone. Yeah, yeah- I have friends and family and my husband to talk to- and they've been supportive. But, I still feel alone in some ways. Its me that has the 15 minute ritual each and every morning and its me that is most excited and then devastated when things don't go the way I wanted or wished they would.


Right about now all I wish is that we were one of those lucky couples that can just "stop preventing" and let nature take its course. One of those lucky couples that doesn't have to worry about working around all the bruises I have from needle sticks and temperature changes and everything else.

You know I sit and I think about the couples where it all comes so easily for them. I wonder if they really appreciate the ability they have to start a family in such a non-stressful way? I also wonder about the women who say they don't want kids. What if one day, you do? Are you sacrificing the ability to be one of "those" couples to one day have to be a couple like us?


And I say the following with no judgment, just an observation. My generation has focused more on getting an education and a career and a stable home life before having children, which I think is wonderful! But it is slightly ironic and somewhat cruel that doing those very things often takes women past the point of optimum fertility. And, even more cruel, studies show that couples who wait until their late twenties/early thirties to have children are actually better parents! Yet, they have the most difficulty getting pregnant...