July 13th started with a visit to Dr. Mason's office for my last check-up. We were scheduled to be admitted on July 15th for an induction to start on July 16th. After my appointment, and finding out my fluid levels were a bit low, Dr. Mason asked if I was ready to get the show on the road that day- we said- absolutely! So, we headed on up to the birthing center and were admitted into birthing suite 11.
We were admitted around 11:30am on Friday- the agenda was for me to get put on Heparin and "flush" out the lovenox medication I had been on. The purpose of this was to get a tighter control on my blood thinners in case of an emergency. So, before actually starting the induction my doctor wanted to be sure I was safely on a medication that would be inactive after 30 minutes as opposed to 12 hours like my previous medication. We'd soon learn how vital this would be.
Having my "last supper" around 6pm Friday night- Jimmy Johns and McDonald's french fries with a chocolate shake- hey I was almost done being pregnant- I figured, what the hell! :)
I was told to get some rest in preparation for the induction the next day.
The beautiful sunset view from our room as we went to bed in anticipation of meeting our son in the next day...or two...
Saturday, July 14, 2012
My induction officially started at 8:00am on Saturday July 14th. The doctor started the induction with a round of cervical preparation. He said most people need about two applications...I ended up having four.
Around 3pm on Saturday I was taken off the Heparin as I was dilated to 2 cm. The expectation was that I would have the baby at some point that night.
My mother, aunt and mother-in-law kept us company as we waited for things to progress. The mood was upbeat for the most part...although we were all getting tired and impatient since I'd been in the labor process for about 7 hours and things were moving very slowly.
The fluid retention I experienced in the hospital was incredible. I gained about 9lbs of water in 2 days...talk about uncomfortable!
Around 8:45pm the doctor started me on Pitocin and stripped my membranes. Even though I was still only dilated to 2.5 cms the doctor hoped this would help things along. After the Pitocin was started I began to get pretty uncomfortable as my contractions started to get harder and harder. I was also on my fourth dose of cervical prep.
By about 11:00pm I was not progressing any further so my doctor decided to stop the Pitocin and let me get some sleep. I was given pain medication through my IV so I could rest.
Sunday, July 15th 2012
I was able to get about 3 or 4 hours of sleep when at 3am the nurse came in to tell me that the anesthesiologist would not allow me to get an epidural for my delivery, even though I was promised and, in fact, encouraged to get an epidural. He said I couldn't get the epidural if I had been on heparin (blood thinners) in the last few hours because I could bleed into my spine. After hearing this there was no more sleeping. I was incredibly upset. I came to the hospital with a plan and now some doctor I didn't know was telling me the plan my doctor and I decided upon was void and I was incredibly afraid of bleeding into my spine and becoming paralyzed. All I wanted was to talk to my own doctor and hear this news from him.
Around 8am my doctor called and assured me that I would in fact get an epidural and the anesthesiologist just didn't understand the plan. They would test my blood levels to be sure they were normal before giving me an epidural so I was at no greater risk then anyone else getting an epidural. Not all doctors seem to understand that when I am on blood thinners it is like a normal person and me not on blood thinners is a hyper- clotting situation. The heparin was keeping me "normal." After hearing this news from my doctor's mouth, I was reassured.
I was started back on the Pitocin and my contractions continued to get stronger and stronger. At this point I was in the active phase of labor and was not feeling the best. I was in pain, I hadn't eaten in two days and I was very irritable. I got pretty upset with my husband when I saw him sneaking food behind the curtain and yelled at my mother that I couldn't squeeze her hand because I was afraid of hurting her. In hindsight I realize that all things considered I could have been much nastier then I was but I was getting pretty snippy at this point.
Around noon they started to notice some decelerations in the baby's heart rate. My doctor thought this was due to the positioning of the monitor or that the baby was compressing the cord. He ordered the resident on call to place a monitor in the baby's head (yes while the baby was still inside me) and to place an internal monitor in me. The resident was also instructed to break my water and give me an amnio infusion. At this point I was on no pain medication and these four "procedures" were probably the most painful parts of this process. After the resident was done I was somewhat more comfortable but the contractions were still coming on strong. My contractions were now 4 minutes apart.
By 1pm I was given some pain medication again through my IV and by 2pm I was dilated to 4 cm and the nurse called for me to get my epidural. The anesthesiologist (a different one) arrived to my room around 3pm for my epidural and was immediately called away for an emergency c-section. I thought I was going to scream! My contractions at this point were pretty unbearable and I was having a lot of back labor as the baby was turned in the face up position, meaning his spine was pressing against mine. Every contraction seared through my lower back and hips and I felt like they were breaking.
By 4pm the epidural was placed and this was a rather pain-free procedure. The hardest part was breathing through the contractions while it was being placed. Once the epidural was in the contractions were much more manageable and other then the odd sensation of being numb and not being able to lift my legs I was much more comfortable. At 4:30pm compression cufffs were placed on my legs and my doctor inserted a foley catheter. I told him I was going to use a bed pan instead and he told me "um, no you're not!" lol! He is one of the only men who has been able to tell me "no" and I actually listen. At this point I was dilated to 5cm.
Between 4:30 and 5:15pm the nurses noticed more decelerations in the baby's heart rate. Every time I had a contraction the baby's heart rate would drop- making the nurses, and us, very concerned. After about 3 episodes of this the resident called my doctor and I heard her confirm "Prep her for a c-section."
What? I was in shock. I never once, through all of this, thought I would ever need a c-section. However, even though I was shocked, I was also somewhat calm. A c-section was a worst case scenario with my clotting disorder but it also meant, no more contractions, no more labor, no pushing...and it meant after about 34 hours of labor I would finally meet my son.
They started unplugging machines and washing my stomach and before I new it I was in the operating room.
The room was incredibly bright and cold. I had uncontrollable shakes and was put on a heating blanket and oxygen. There was some confusion over whether my c-section was "stat," so I endured a 10 minute fighting match across the top of me between my nurse and the OR nurse. After the doctor arrived and talked some sense into these women, the room became calm. Time seemed to pass so slowly as I waited for my doctor to scrub-in and to see my husband again. After about 20 minutes in OR the hubs walked in wearing the white suite and mask. He looked terrified. He sat beside me, held my hand and I told him it was going to be ok.
After the surgery got underway and what seemed like another agonizing 20 minutes we finally heard my doctor say, "there he is...oh yeah, I see what the problem was!" Apparently the cord was wrapped around our baby's neck and shoulders, torso and up under his legs- like a harness. The cord was missing an essential insulator making it thinner and more plyable. Every time I would have a contraction to move the baby down the cord would tighten and send our baby into distress. Thank god my doctor ordered the c-section --or I wouldn't have progressed and we likely would have lost him.
In a few more minutes I felt some serious tugging and then...the most beautiful cry I've ever heard. Lincoln was born Sunday night at 6:12pm. You could tell that cry came from strong lungs and Fred and I began to cry. They held the baby around the sheet so we could see him. He was all scrunched up, white and angry with a fist in the air. But he looked normal and healthy and like the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The nurses took him away and I heard them state his apgar score, a 8, which is good and his weight...4lbs 9oz. My heart sank a little. I was hoping, no practically praying, he would at least be 5 lbs. Low birth weight babes often have health problems and I just didn't want that for him. But, what could I do? He was here and he was healthy...he was just really tiny.
Finally, the nurse brought him around the curtain and placed him in Fred's arms. I was balling, Fred had tears in his eyes and our little Lincoln was just looking all around at this new, bright, big world. I touched his arm and said "hello little guy," and the most amazing thing happened. Lincoln looked right over towards my voice and I knew instantly that he knew the voice of his mother. That did me in. Bigger sobs and crying out of pure overwhelming love. That moment was like nothing I've ever experienced. Instantly we were bonded for life...just by the sound of my voice.
And here he is - the little man we've been waiting for. Of course we think he is just adorable and he is so super tiny- but strong!
One of the hardest parts about he c-section was not being able to hold my baby for a full 8 hours after he was born. Everyone got to peek in at him through the special care nursery windows and I was stuck in recovery and in my room until I could be back on my blood thinners. Above is the photo of me holding him for the first time around 2 in the morning on Monday.
Fred was a natural with him right away. Which honestly surprised me in some ways and not in others. He's been the most attentive caregiver to me when I've been sick- so in that regard I wasn't surprised. But he happily changes diapers and coos and coddles our little man like he's been waiting for this his entire life. There is no doubt this tiny little person has already changed both of us. We would do absolutely anything for him and the love, protectiveness and bond you feel is like nothing anyone can prepare you for- you have to experience it.
After four days in the hospital and running back and forth from our room to the special care nursery to feed and bond with our little man we were able to come home. I had my heart set on some things that needed to be sacrificed because of the ordeal. Instead of breastfeeding I am pumping and giving him a couple bottles a day and instead of using all of the organic diapers we planned for, we have to use whatever preemie diapers we can find. But, all of those detours aside we are so incredibly happy.
Little Lincoln- in a few short days you've taught us the very definition of patience, unconditional love, letting go and peace. You make us feel complete in a way we never could have imagined. You are our dream come true and every second of every day we will do our very best to give you all of the love, protection and guidance you need and deserve. Thank you for coming into our lives and allowing us to be your parents.
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