April 9, 2012

First and second trimester pregnancy lies.

Lies all lies I tell you....you want a clean, clear dose of reality...well you can get it here!!! I am NOT about to sugarcoat this B...so here it goes...

***First, let me preface this by saying that I realize (like as in, no duh!) that not all pregnancies are the same, in fact most are different and certainly all women are different in their experiences of pregnancy. However, as I am well over half-way down this "journey" I'd like to speak on a few myths or lies, or as I like to call them "shit people forget after the baby is born." This is mainly intended for all you mothers-to-be eventually out there. ***

Lie #1: If you have your period, that means you are not pregnant.

It is possible to know you are pregnant PRIOR to missing a period and it is also possible to still BE pregnant AFTER you have had a period. 20-30% of women experience bleeding early in a pregnancy.

So please ladies, if you are sexually active, don't use protection "correctly" or "religiously" and have ANY pregnancy symptoms after your period is over (sore breasts, moodiness, yeast or bladder infections, nausea, vomiting, twinges in your breasts etc.)...do yourself a solid and take a pregnancy test. If symptoms persist, take another in a week or so. As someone who has had this very thing happen, the $13 bucks is worth it for peace of mind.

Lie #2: Most women are not that sick when they are pregnant, only some get morning sickness.

Those friends and family members who tell you they were never sick through their pregnancy...they are in the minority...sorry. Morning sickness affects about 70 percent of pregnant women. It usually begins at four to eight weeks of pregnancy and subsides by fourteen to sixteen weeks. Even though it is called morning sickness, the vomiting and nausea in early pregnancy can occur at any time of the day. 

AND it can continue into the second and even the third trimester too (but only 30% of us are lucky enough to experience it that long!). Good news is that you become a pro at it by then! And you lose your fear of throwing up...I was sick about once or twice a day from weeks 9-13 and have thrown up about once a week or once every other week since then (into week 25).

Another small piece of good news is women who are sick actually are less likely to miscarry. So, while it means you're miserable, it usually means your baby is strong. After two pregnancies with no sickness and miscarriage and this one with a lot of sickness and no miscarriage, in my case- this is absolutely true.

 Lie #3: You'll love your body when you're pregnant and will have a glow.

Sure, I've come to embrace my curves more as I've been pregnant and I have been told I am "glowing" and my skin looks pretty good overall. BUT weird shit happens to your body too...and not just the obvious stuff either. Hyper-pigmentation can occur, not just in that line on the belly or in darker nipples, but many women get blotchy spots on their face that don't always go away (known as melasma). I'm glad I have not experienced this but I've seen it and man...that's not cool. Break-outs are also more common in the second trimester so for women who are prone to acne as it is, this can be miserable!

Also, your feet can grow and stay bigger, as can (will?) your hips and "other" things. And of course stretch-marks....that brings me to lie #4...
 

Lie #4: You can use cream to prevent stretch marks.

Now, applying cream that increases your skin's elasticity and has collagen in it will probably lessen the appearance of stretch marks and will make your belly less itchy...oh yeah, your belly itches like a bitch as it grows by the way, but most things I've read say if you are gonna get stretch marks (50% of women) you're going to get them, no matter how much money you spend on cream. So, buy some cream but don't be stupid thinking a $50 bottle of the stuff is going to make that big of a difference because it won't.

Lie #5: Sex is awesome when you're pregnant.

Sex can kinda hurts when you're pregnant. I don't mean excruciating. But your cervix is super-sensitive and orgasms can actually hurt...or cause cramping to be more exact. But, on a positive note, some women actually orgasm easier when pregnant...so that's a bonus. But from the majority of what I hear....your sex life will never really be exactly the same again. Sorry.

Lie #6: You'll find that you connect to other mothers more and people without children less.

In some ways yes, going through the experience of pregnancy and parenting can bring people closer. It only makes sense that you would become closer to people that know what you're life is like and what you are going (or have gone) through. Also, people need to understand that kids are exhausting and take a lot of time and for full-time parents you need to get a sitter to have "couples nights" and that shit can get expensive. I always hate when I hear people complain that they don't see someone as much after they have a kid- well of course you won't seem them as much! Are you kidding me!?! Just like when I was in graduate school people didn't see me as much...that shit takes a lot of time!

However,  since I've been pregnant I have (on occasion) found myself being really surprised by some peoples comments or questions (usually people who have never been pregnant). I find myself thinking "why don't they know that?," and then I want to smack myself because I realize... it is not others that change when you become pregnant or become a parent, YOU are the one that changes. And yes, EVERYONE will change in some way....it doesn't need to mean everything about them changes, but something will- it has to! The same way learning about something makes you incorporate that into your mental schema in a way that you think everyone should know it too...like how to correctly pronounce something or even how to spell correctly. This does not mean that everyone else SHOULD or CAN know these things though. A very important distinction.

And sometimes I find that parents are the most critical of OTHER parents. God, if I had a dime for every time I heard a parent going on and on about how these other parents spank, or immunize or don't immunize or how loud their kids are...not to mention the working mom vs. stay-at-home mom crap. Shouldn't parents be supporting other parents? Don't get me wrong...my post about parents that let their kids get away with everything is a judgement call and everyone is guilty of this. But I tell you what, EVERY parent does something "right" and I'm pretty sure every parent also does something "wrong" at some point too...so I really hate it when I hear parents thinking they are the perfect parents....because nobody is.

Lie #7: You will gain a ton of weight when you are pregnant.

Not necessarily! And can we say - yay to this one!!! Good thing about being in the majority of the 70% of women who have morning sickness is you won't usually gain a ton of weight at the beginning of your pregnancy. Most women in these situations only gain a few pounds, if any, in their first trimester, which sets them up to be in good shape for the rest of the pregnancy. Now, of course if you're starting off thin you should really try to gain in all trimesters but for most women of average weight or a few extra pounds, its not needed nor will it automatically happen.

This leads into the second part of the equation. From what I can tell from talking to a lot  of women, what you eat may or may not impact how much weight you gain. Now it seems logical that if you eat healthy you will not gain as much as if you eat a bunch of crap. Sure- this is probably true in some cases. But in many of the cases I've heard about - you are going to gain what you're going to gain and there isn't a whole lot you can do about it.

Case point- I am the type of girl that LOVES to eat. I also like to work-out, so I am overweight but not nearly as beastly as I could be. I also can pack on the pounds super easy...to the tune of 5 lbs in a weekend, easy. Since I've been pregnant I lost weight in my 1st trimester and have been eating pretty much whatever I want since and have gained about 6lbs less than what is average for 25 week gestation (12lbs). First time in my damn life this has happened and I am LOVING it! My niece, who was also overweight when she got pregnant only gained 20lbs with each of her two children and weighs 40lbs less now then when she got pregnant with her first. Sometimes, it happens!

Lie (Truth) #8: (I don't know if this is technically a lie but I never believed it until it happened to me).  Your memory will turn to complete and total crap when you are pregnant and you may (or may not) ever get it back.

I am the type of person that is super organized and I usually have a great memory. In fact much of my work relies on my memory and being able to remember what I (and other people) are supposed to be doing. I juggle about 15 projects at once and need to remember dates and times and a lot of other crap. Well, since about 10 weeks pregnant my memory has declined a good 40% (seriously).

I forgot it was even Easter until Good Friday (you'd think the title of Good Friday would have tipped me off huh?) AND this was after making Easter candy with my aunt in advance. I also forgot to pay the mortgage, have left my phone, planner or something at home when I left for work at least once every month since becoming pregnant. AND I have even forgot to pee until well...let's just say something happened that I'm not too proud of...

I hear this doesn't get better until about 6 months post delivery....so I'm warning all of my friends, family and co-workers now- not to expect too damn much from me in this regard. Maybe I set the bar too high all these years...maybe those flighty chicks have got it right...because when everyone is used to you having a great memory they are not so understanding when it slips away....and they think pregnancy is an "excuse"- NO, IT IS THE DAMN TRUTH!!! Pregnancy brain is real and it sucks donkey balls!

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Well, that's about all I have for now. Granted I am only 25 weeks along, so I'm sure I'll have  3rd trimester and delivery lies for you in the weeks and months to come!!!

But I do have to say, along with the lies (and the implied humor of this post, please don't take me too seriously) I am overjoyed and excited about being pregnant and welcoming my son into the world. But am I going to look at him at some point and say "you little shit, do you know what you put me through?" yeah, I probably will.